Funny Quotes 2

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough."

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"

"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"